oh shit. i suddenly lost my train of thoughts while waiting for this page to load!

screw it.

anw i went back to my camp medical centre for medical review few days back.

and i was happily anticipating dat few minutes when i can start criticising about the poor performance from both the MO and the centre's facilites.

but horrors. when i knocked and entered in the room.

he SMILED. a megawatt smile i muz say.

" oh hi siyan. r u feeling any better?"

totally dumbstruck. it took me quite awhile to comtemplate whether he was being possessed by some evilspiritS.

i swear his wife gave him goodsex the night before.

and im sorry to say ive failed u all terribly. i smiled back too!

and yahoo! the surgeon's letter actually stated that im ENTITLED to 1month of lightduties status.

so the MO was like " wah ur surgeon very good hor, give u sucha long period ot time to rest"

den i went to explain how CHRONIC my situation was. all the bullshit crap dat the stitches melted even before my wound has been sealed up, thus the opening gap at both ends. which has already being verified by my operating surgeon. kinda exaggerate a lil though.

so he was nodding attentively. i still couldnt believe my own eyes.

den when he asks me to lift up my shirt for wound inspection,

i muz say i did it rather willingly. of coz not dat he's gg to violently slash my shirt la.

so he was inspecting while showing sign of agreement aka nodding head aka " i see i see".

den came the interesting part

"r u happy with the results?"

" wat results?"

" the end results of the stitches. actually they did quite a good job if not for the openingap."

" oh okok"

" haha. u didnt go confront ur surgeon how come her stitching so lousy? * proceed bangin his own desk* den ask for a refund or something. hahaha"

" hahaha. ( = u r very lame. stop it please.)

" do u know u will get outofcourse becoz of this. since ure still on m.c and will be given 1month lightduties. thus unable to join the rest for normal trainins * worried look*"

and i played along with him

" yah. but no choice. its not really up to me to decide when is my wound gg to heal. coz apparently its not recovering as it shd hav been now. "

" icic. so do u wan to get outofcourse?"

" * pause, thinking* hmm im still not sure myself. but even if i didnt get outofcourse, i can forsee a big problem for myself to join back the class and catch up with 1month of intense trainin i missed. and moreover, its not up to me to choose whether i stay or go. coz usually ppl r forced to get outofcourse juz becoz of 2wks of lightduties"

" i see. okay. take care den. byebye * flash smile*"


den i realised its not dat her wife gave him goodsex the night before. coz while waiting for my status m.c. , the secret of all secrets revealed.

THERE WAS AN ONGOING SURVEY ON THE MEDICAL CENTRE PERFORMANCE!!

no wonder! how typical!!

no wonder i smelt conspiracy when not only the m.o, but the medics were so friendly all of the sudden. next time i muz rmb to go for med reviews only when theres a grading survey going on.

so the truth , the m.o still didnt get his good sex. no goodsex plus still hav to force himself to wear a smile. it muz be so tiring for him. orbi good!

***

OH i rmbed wat i wanted to say. ive decided to tidy up my room nicely and start stocking up hardliquor and stuff so i can invite my frenz over for partieeeeessss and sleepoversss( not the gals of coz)!!. yayyy!

trip to ikea real soon!

bingo. the wound is really gaping.

i went back to my operating surgeon this morning after updating her abt my wound last afternoon. she den offered a non-booking appointment to inspect my wound herself. really nice of her. million kisses! ( if she wans it).

she told me dat although the open wound is gaping. its actually quite superficial and proceeded taping the wound up for me. afterwhich assuring me dat theres no re-stitching required. the wound will heal and seal up by itself in no time.

a heavy sigh of relief.

and im so sorry to say , due to my gossiping nature, i complained to her about how inefficient and ignorant my camp MO is. she den kindly wrote a letter to ask the MO to shut his trap and just let me rest.

i hope the letter's content is some sarcastic mean piece of complaint letter.

i really cant wait to see the MO's expression.

maybe i shd end the convo with the MO with a

" oh thanx alot for the psychological assurance u gave me. (*re-enact " oh its healing well") although it kinda backfired heavily. but its okay. u did ur part in providin me with non-waterproof dressing and risk havin my wound infected. but i do understand its ur optimal care effort in making me stronger thru endurance."

so now everythin is under control. my wound has been taped up. its healing. only dat i cant move my left arm too much. it might risk tearing the wound wider.

and i got the histopathology results.

dunno wat Histopathology? dun worry

-noun
the science dealing with the histological structure of abnormal or diseased tissue; pathological histology.

although i must say its definition is not of much help actually. never mind. its actually just a result slip la.

Diagnosis
(A) Right and
(B) left breast lumps, excision
biopsy: Gynaecomastia

Gross description
(A) The specimen is received in formalin, labelled with patient data, and designated " right breast lump". It consists of 2 pieces of firbrofatty tissue altogether measuring 2 x 1.5 x 1.5cm.

(B) The specimen is received in formalin, labelled with patient data, and designated " left breast lump". It consists if a piece of fibrofatty tissue altogether measuring 3.5 x 3 x 1.8cm

Microscopic description ( A&B)
...
...
...
...
THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OF MALIGNANCY.

***
no breast cancer! its even worst than striking toto!

and oh my god, theres actually 2 lumps on my right breast. holy cow!

so theres 3 lumps in total.

no wonder the left wound is taking longer to heal. the lump itself is actually much bigger than 2rightlumps added up.

but im really glad to actually consult my own operating surgeon. no gps no MO can beat the professional. they are really good, man. all the assurance and guidance.

thnx a million to my operating surgeon Dr.Chan Shao Wah , Georgette.

and to my family GP Dr.Wee

(although i dont think ure so friendly to the extent of readin ur patients's blog.)

but never mind. i understand. u guys r great!

someone please remind me not to say 'thank you' during my next visit to the MO.

yes. not even a smile.

maybe i shd juz yawn loudly when the MO's readin the letter.

hmm.

***
( post-note)
- my mom actually gave me the greenlight to deco my own room! w/o paying a single cent myself! someone please accompany me to IKEA soon!
- i suddenly feel like going to the airport. just to walk ard shop ard laze ard. who's cool with it?!

please bear with me for a short while. im so frustrated that if u slit my throat right now, my blood will gush out and scald you.

apparently, i went back to endorse my m.c cum wound inspection. and guess what the dumbfcuk m.o said after i filled him with the details.

" ok. remove the dressing"

" huh? myself? but its waterproof dressing, the previous GP told me to apply removing solution on it first before peeling coz of the superstrong glue"

" nvm. slowly peel it off urself"

i tell u i got so dumbfounded i was sitting there speechless for 30secs before actually lifting up my shirt. GRRRRR.

so i carefully removed the dressin MYSELF while SITTING on the chair. and the m.o himself sitting happily smiling away and adjusting his watch's timing ( WTF?!?!). and horror of the horrors, part of the primary layer of my skin actually got peeled off as well! so as my tann! all my hard work gone down the drain! GRRRR. he must be giggling away seeing how pitiful i am.

and dats not the worst part. i realised the stitches werent done up properly! theres actually an open wound at both ends! holy cow!! and the dumbfcuk m.o actually told me its HEALING WELL?!?! WELL?!?! how WELL?!?! like " oh u got two open bleeding wounds due to improper stiches and its opening up like slitting cockles into half. but never u mind. its HEALING WELL"

amithabha!

i swear i was so tempted to juz snap at the m.o and give him a piece of my mind! so tempted!

oh yah. not to forget the poor dressin done up by the nurse over there!

" im sorry but we don't hav any waterproof dressings. normal cottonwool dressing can?"

" oh okkkk... * cold stare*"

tell me! even a small clinic has waterproof dressings! how come sucha big medical centre doesnt hav any of such convenient and user-friendly needs?! without the waterproof dressings, am i supposed to bathe and moan at the same time?!?!

" oh didnt ur mom oways tell u to clean the cockles before eatin it?"

please save me from puking blood right now.

and while typing this. the wound is giving my sharp pains. i think its a warning for being too heatedup.

* breathe in breathe out

and not long ago. i peeled off part of the useless dressing to let me sis enjoy the image of well halvcooked cockles. and HORRORS! i realised the open wound it actually getting bigger and longer!!

can someone please assure me that the stitches are not dissolved yet and the wound isnt going to open up WHOLE! its ard 3+cm long!

my goodness. im totally disheartened now.

" we welcome u to our new bodyimage. mr.distortednipple. enjoy ur stay."


someone pass me the ratpoision please.

ok it has been 5days since my virgin operation. and im so sorry to say, the FCUKING WOUND STILL HURTS!!!

grrr.

i had quite a hard time tryin my best not to luff OUT LOUD in manda's house. coz u see, its a simple logic. they lol = u oso lol = ur wound lol = u moan.

i will be headin back to camp for wound inspection tomolo. which i forsee a longer resting period since the wound is still bleeding and there is absolutely no way the med officer is gg to juz endorse the m.c. and call it a day.

MO: " ok LCP Lai u can go home now, u will be fit for all duties "

me: " *slap MO with a large trout* r u out of ur mind?!?! my wound is still bleeding! i cant even carry heavy loads and stretch my arms"

MO: " u juz hav to deal with it. dats part and parcel of being a soldier. stop wasting my time. at most i will give u painkillers. i need to try sneaking out before 4. since my assistant medics r oways doing the same thing. who cares abt 8-5job?! i say 8-3! i love moonlighting!"

me: " *snap finger diva style* ok fine. all i wan is a 2weeks attB status. as simple as dat"

MO: " ure sucha a bother. give u a month la. no sweat. i juz gave the previous guy 1yr attB for coughing onto my face. dat will shut him up *noting it down in the status sheet while packing his briefcase at sonicspeed*"

me: " hallelujah! amitabha!"


( nah. juz joking. all camp MOs r the bestest captains nationwide. they r so angelic i can see halo on top of their head at times. so please kindly take note of this mr.military police. )

anw major digression. an hour ago i was thinkin abt the best combi of parents children can get. by saying best combi, i mean their profession.

and ive thought of a few combis

1. Dad's a GP ( it seriously saves lotsa money with a dad solving all your medical needs). Mom's a hairdresser ( another mega-saving must-buy. somemore can discuss with her abt the latest coolest hairstyle w/o havin her frownin at u like some mofos)
2. Dad's a English Lang. teacher. Mom's a Chinese Lang. Teacher ( a bilingual lucky fella who doesnt hav to worry abt his/her hwks anymore!)
3. Dad's a top western restaurant Chef. Mom's a crystaljade chef. ( oh my gawddd. imagine the cusine ur going to savour everyday! there might even be chances for a FUSION! No more kfc mac longjohn pizzahut delivery, we shall hav topgrade birdnest and delicious tiramisus for dessert after everymeal!)
4. Dad's a commercial pilot. Mom's a dermatologist ( ahhh. dabestfacials on free holiday trips all over Europe. my face also go Poing Poing!)
5. Dad's AndyLau. Mom's Britney Spears ( no questions asked. it speaks for itself.)

ok. apparently the painkillers i took hav driven me nuts. nevermind. cumon! tag ur favorite combi!

or better. provide me with ur own personal combi!

ok im gg to isolate myself from all sorts of recreation and good food for the next torturous 8 days.

in case u hav no clue wat has happened to me.

its called Gynecomastia.

-Gynecomastia is a condition in which firm breast tissue forms in males. The breast tissue is usually less than 1-1/2 inches across and is located directly under the nipple. Gynecomastia may be present on one side or on both sides.

-Gynecomastia is usually caused by changes in hormones at puberty or as part of aging. Hormones are chemicals produced by the glands of the body, such as the thyroid gland, the testes and the ovaries. Gynecomastia may be caused by changes in the balance of 2 hormones, estrogen and testosterone.

-Gynecomastia affects an estimated 40 to 60 percent of men. It may affect only one breast or both. Though certain drugs and medical problems have been linked with male breast overdevelopment, there is no known cause in the vast majority of cases.

-The procedure is done through a small incision at the border of the nipple complex, and the glandular tissue is carefully removed. Liposuction is then used to contour the chest and increase muscle definition. The end result is a chest that is flatter, firmer, and better contoured.

Many men have gynecomastia - enlarged, female-like breasts -causes by excess glandular tissue or fat (or both).

milk anyone?

Following surgery for gynecomastia, the patient has a more masculine chest contour.

pls pay much attention to the phrase ' more masculine chest contour'. ahhh... free gym workout!

i went for the day surgery yesterday. and got discharge on the day itself. of which 1137bucks of the taxpayers money depleted.

and it bled so badly yesterday night while sleeping dat almost the whole left side of my shirt was stained with blood

thus i went to a GP this morning to remove the blood-soaked dressing. or shd i say blood-dripping dressing.

horror of the horrors. the blood was oozing out like nobodies business.

they told me usually it can result in terrible embarrassment, teasing, and social trauma. but who cares? i mean. we r oredi headin towards 2007. its not as if i contracted aids and tryin my best to hide the truth from my frenz dat i got it from a bangla orgy. and moreover, the lunps hav been surgically and permantly removed. its not gonna affect me anymore. so to those whose giggling away in front of the monitor, bah~ i hope u bite ur lips terribly on ur next sumptous meal.

so other than wellwishes, please do not sms and involve me in any cool funky activities within this 2 weeks.

grrr.

( please keep rainin and spoil all the fun they r gg to have. kwa kwa kwa.)